Female Leads

Question by FunBand0

During class, no one minds me getting into the circle as a lead, but during socials, when I ask another girl to dance, I get funny looks and rejections most of the time. I specify that I would like to lead but they seem to either find it creepy or just avoid me.

Just to clarify, I’m not a lesbian or anything.


User Cap2030

I’m not female but, Welcome to being a lead. Rejection just comes with asking people to dance. The fact that you’re female probably had little to do with it overall.

Everyone has their own reasons for turning someone down.there no point speculating on the why. You’ll give yourself stress for nothing. Just move on and ask someone else.

User whitedumpling 

I am a female and I love it when anyone asks me to dance and they lead. I’m still quite new to salsa so I love having opportunities to learn more. If another woman asked to lead I’d be even happier because I think I’d feel less guilty for not being as experienced for some reason and I’d for sure want to stay in contact with her, (I’m always looking to expand my dance friends circle). Idk, sorry you’ve have bad experiences with this, but don’t stop!

User Vaphell

In my salsa scene I know of at least 3 women who would put the majority of guys to shame with their leading skills. That said, they mostly dance with their female friends, often as fooling around thing, and over time they built a reputation of very skilled leads that helps in a wider circle with women who are at least aware of them.

Asking random women for a dance from a cold start as a whatsherface is not something that is going to have a high chance of success. FF dancing is not what they subscribed to, nor is MM in case of most guys. That’s a fact of life.

Make female friends, dance with them for shits and giggles, widen the circle of friends, build a reputation of somebody who is worth dancing with.

User katyusha8 

I’m a woman and as long as I don’t have to lead, I’m cool with most partners. I think some people mistake dancing with hitting on people or have very old fashioned ideas

User kombinatorix 

Yeah, the problem is no one can say if you currently just experience the normal rejection or because you are a female lead. But the community you are in definitely is a factor; either for rejection per se or rejecting you as a female lead. But heads up, you will eventually find some follows who will regularly dance with you. Have you ever asked a guy to follow. As a male lead I was only a couple of times in the sotuation to be asked to follow but it was every time a funny experience and sometimes it was enlightening.

At least you are not stigmatized. Once I tried to teach a friend of mine a few steps and other guys were shouting slurs at us. As we confronted them about it they said it is totally okay if two women dance with each other but two man…that’s apparently a big nono in some communities. In my home community you see two guys or two girla dancing with each other quite often and nobody would say something. Long story short, maybe you should look into the dancing scene in other cities.

User Chris_Yannick 

It also depends on where you live. Not every place is open to being led by the same gender. Fact is a lot of people still adhere to traditional gender roles in dance.

If I asked guys to lead me, I’d expect a high rejection rate almost everywhere. This is normal.

User kc_joeyy

I’m a guy who generally leads and I’m starting to learn how to follow. I can’t imagine how awkward it would be for me to ask someone to dance with me while I follow. I’m thinking of getting a t-shirt that says “Ask me to follow!” Or “ Wanna lead?” Or something so it’s clearer from the start and I don’t have to explain.

User janet987

To be honest, I find it a bit creepy when another woman asks me to dance with her. It’s fine for salsa with open hand hold, but I won’t do it for bachata or any other dance that could get sensual How do I know she isn’t a lesbian?

User ]Arkytez

I’m a guy who leads and follows with both men and women. I usually have it much easier when dancing with men and women alike. For some reason men even ask me to dance more often than the women.

The point is: reputation. When in a new place I always find someone of a different gender, ask them to dance, and show off. Ask another. After three people, others will start to notice. Then you can do whatever you want.

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