Don’t ask her during a social or a class or anywhere near the dance studio. Your dancing relationship is different to any other relationship that may develop, and it may just be that you have dancing chemistry together – if that’s the case and you ask her in the context of the studio or social, its going to ruin it for you both.
Something like ‘I love talking to you and would love to get to know you better, would you like to grab lunch/dinner/coffee with me?’ should work. If she is interested she will say yes if not then I recommend dropping the subject. If you don’t have time to go out outside the dance studio then I don’t see how you can maintain a relationship with someone.
Dance chemistry in dance spaces does not always translate to interest in dating someone. Many girls go dancing to dance and enjoy themselves, not find a potential partner. Rejection or breaking up can also make things awkward so I recommend to not ask her out until she indicates that she is into you outside of the dance environment.
Don’t ask her out at the studio. That’s a learning space, not a dating space. Ask her out at the club — there’s a decent chance she will show up with a guy. Also: does she have a partner already? You need to know that before going in.
If she never goes out to the club then ask her why. That will get a conversation going that might involve “well my boyfriend won’t go”. Women are smart, they will drop “boyfriend” in to casual conversation if they think you are interested.
Keep it casual and don’t do it in front of everyone in the beginning. It’s easy to ask her out if you see her that often. If she says yes, see what happens. Try to avoid making out in the social until you guys are sure.
And then whatever happens, happens. As long as you keep it mature and not cheat on her or something really bad happens, a normal break-up shouldn’t mean the end of the world to neither of you.
Worst case scenario, there’s always other socials
Invite her to a club that plays reggaeton – it’s all over from there hahaha. In all seriousness though – start slow, just talk to her more and try to judge if she’s interested, but be prepared to take a hint. See if there are any group actives people from the scene are doing outside of dance. Invite her to something safe outside the scene, but don’t push it. If it gets to the point that you can ask her on an explicit date, just make it clear and discuss that.
My personal experience – I get asked out a lot in the dance scene. I’ve been asked out before by people I have good dance chemistry with and enjoy chatting with. An example – a guy sent me a fb message asking if he could take me to do a specific activity, not an explicit date but also very clear it was a date. I told him that I’m not strictly ‘available’, he said well let me know if anything changes and we both agreed that we want to keep dancing together. He hasn’t persisted and there haven’t been any problems – we enjoy great dances together. We’re both mature adults capable of having a conversation about it ya know. But a conversation can only be had if you’re direct, rather than dancing around it so to speak.
I know asking people out over text is traditionally taboo but I kind of prefer it. I can carefully craft a gentle rejection and it doesn’t put me on the spot.
New years is coming up. Ask her what she’s doing!
To answer the question in the title: I learned that mixing hobby like bachata with feeling to other person ALWAYS ends-up badly. How long you dance? Are you in such situation for the first time ?
I won’t tell you how you can pick her up but i can tell you how it could ends. I dance bachata for the last 8 months everyday (~20hrs per week) (and salsa for 2+ years) I met a lot of girls during that time. With plenty of them i have connection (dance chemistry, flow) call it how you want. Unfortunately it’s my curse. I am introvert. I don’t talk with them (or at least most of them) I like to keep my distance and personal space. I dance with big smile on my face 😀 For unknown reason they are attracted to that ( + my way of leading which is really specyfic). I wanted to have something more with two of them.
The first one was when i dance for the first 2 months, i felt that when i dance with her she is trying to make a distance as short as possibile (I was salsa guy in that time so it was natural for me to be far away form the woman i dance with). I allowed her on that and since it was summer I asked her out for ice creams using fb messanger. The evening was great, but i did few mistakes I should have push harder after that and i shouldn’t say few things to her (i just open up myself to her but with weird words). After that she started to avoiding me and avoid dance with me. It was really painful 2 months. Everyday in my classes was like the harders ever. When was my turn to dance with her i was getting depressed, my smile was shading and it was disaster. I coudn’t stop thinking about her.
After that time i met another one. I was just joking with her and something broken. She started to sending messages on messanger. So i said to myself fu** that and I asked her out … on the ice creams. (i think that’s good way because ice creams doesnt mean date). It was almost the one of the BEST nights in my life 😀 We were walking whole night and talked a lot. She didn’t want go to home :D. The next day i went for holidays in Spain. When i get back after 2 weeks she was in the arms of other guy. The guy i knew. She was dancing only with him. It was another long months of hating everything around and that dance.
There is another one right now. I keep her as far as possibile but she keep pushing every day. Stubborn girl 😀
To summarize all of this. If you are sure that forgetting about her will be easy for you don’t wait on anything. Send her message and if she will be interested in talking then ask her on coffee or something. Girls are clever don’t play with her in cat and mouse.
But what i can guarantee is that if nothing work, the way you dance will change for sure. Humans are emotional and bachata (especially sensual) is emptional dance. If she suddenly became less comfortable to dance with you, everything will be diffrent.
User willtoshower1 point·17 days ago
I agree with the top comment regarding asking her out.
If you do start dating. Don’t fall into the trap of only dancing together or getting jealous of each other dancing with others.
Dance is a personal thing. You both obviously love it. Share it together. Dance together and then let each other dance with others.
It will make dancing together that much better and keep the relationship healthy.
Jealously and restriction will only make something you both love less desirable as it will cause drama, which will lead to resentment, which will kill the feelings you have for each other and make the whole process of dancing negative.
Don’t overthink it so much. If you like a girl, you shouldn’t waste much time trying to ask her out.
From the first dance with her, you should already be able to know if she is into you or if there is some kind of attraction. Dance always a couple of songs, try to see if there is any kind of tension. Get her contact, flirt a bit and ask her out to do something unrelated to dance.
When dancing, girls get asked out all the time. While you may think that you need to take it slow and worry what will happen if she rejects you, there are probably 20 other guys who don’t give a fuck about it and will ask her anyways. And probably some will succeed.
I’ve seen this happen hundreds of times, guys who will go with the girl they like everywhere, texting everyday, always being together, waiting for the perfect moment to make a move… Then, some random guy will come in a social, dance 5 songs with that girl and bring her home.