What to do when a follow, doesn’t give energy or vibes back?

Question by User pavizla

Happens sometimes. Two examples, one is when I asked another follow right after her bachata, I felt like I was hasty but she obliged. I danced with her at the beginning of the night and we both had great energy. This time, she was just doing small steps, and I found myself trying to find energy or enthusiasm, perhaps I need to add new words to my dance (since it was a repeat) but her low energy also got me stuck.

The second one is a follow who just started not liking your structure, and I tried ways to see what she likes but she always ended up with a smirk and kept looking away and into the crowd. It was even tricky because it felt like she was back leading and doing her own read. Then again, I probably am just a bit too gentle as I know some really like a pressured pull and push. It felt like she would make a face whenever I did double spins so I stopped it. Later on, I found her with another lead doing triple spins. And she looked spot on. It was just two weird moments, it was almost as if we were fighting for something as she kept looking at her friends. Anyone else experienced this? What could be the problem? I know I probably need to add more words into my language, energy can be sapped, however…


User TentaclesForEveryone

Shit happens? Sometimes people just don’t click. Maybe you’re not compatible, maybe she doesn’t like the song, maybe she’s just tired. Don’t let it get to you.

User TijoWasik

To answer the question in your title – move on to the next dance.

If you’re receiving good responses in general, and you have the odd one or two dances that don’t go great, it’s likely not you. If this is really common, then yeah, look in to it, but if it’s a one off, it’s probably just them being low energy or whatnot.

If it’s your first ever dance with someone, you need to learn how they dance, and the first few basics and combinations are both of you learning how best to act and react. If you’re feeling low energy, you need to adjust and perhaps lead a little stronger. There aren’t two types of lead, gentle and firm, there’s a whole variance scale on it. You can add bit by bit until you find that right level.

I will add here on the thing about looking away in to the crowd and so on, this is not an uncommon thing. It’s incredibly rude, but it happens. It’s usually when one side is much more experienced than the other and is showing boredom by doing it.

there’s a difference between looking around out of nerves and just staring around bored. Believe me, my regular partner isn’t great with eye contact, but she doesn’t just watch other people dancing, or keep looking and smirking at the same person who’s watching, and I’ve danced with people that do.

Just ensure your partner knows you’re connected and actually in the dance with them, not just off in a corner of the room somewhere.

User gumercindo1959

That’s the beauty of social dancing – move on to the next person and remember the face as you will not ask her again. Think of it as weeding out the unpleasant ones in order to get to the good social dances.

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