what to do when she says no? Social Dancing

Question by User californiastateuni

Smile and move along. For some it feels super awkward, but what is the outmost general and fair way to handle a no. Especially if you walked all the way across a dance floor, everyone’s looking at you, and the follow you asked said “no” and pointed at her boyfriend or something. Then you’re stuck there, because there are no other follows beside the other leads and her boyfriend just looking at you. Is an “oh” with a low-bow plus slither-away good? Or do you randomly scream at the bartender for some water?

What about a follow who just outright disliked your first dance with her, and does a very impressionable “no” with a big frowny smirk, and a bonus screaming addition of “NO, WHY DON’T YOU DANCE WITH HER?” after pointing at a random lady.

Or that one follow who you never even danced with, and let’s say you’ve had great dances that night– you look and smell great, and you’re not sweaty… Just no’s you and then a second later you see her doing a sensual session with an awesome muchacho who literally just came in the scene, and no, that’s not her husband, she apparently quickly dances with other folk.

What about those seemingly personal no’s? Like most, you have salsa as the only intention of the night… In this instance, you had no idea that her boyfriend already asked her to dance or that she is waiting for her boyfriend. She suddenly does a very interesting facial expression to say no, “I’m dancing with my husband” or my husband only chooses me attitude even if she looked like she was looking to dance. Then you find out that her husband who is 500 feet away, suddenly appears out of nowhere to dance with her. And the guy just smirks at you like it was some ploy.

What about the advanced “no”, when you’re resting during a bachata set and the follow you ask (in advance) to dance salsa didn’t like this, and then now automatically no’s you because you went for the reservation strategy.

Just humoring the dance floor.

But a lot of these happened to friends and myself alike. I’m wondering if there are any interesting or funny no’s you all can share. Obviously, the best way to get fanatic dancers is to hang around infront of the DJ but sometimes that front is a dance floor and/or the stereo blasts your skull off, the bar can be mixed with non-dancers or couples only, and the place you end up sitting on is a corner.

Share us your funny “no” moments. I just want to see how we can creatively turn the no’s, especially the harsh, weird and even rude ones into a fun time. What’s your exit strategy, do you do a ballet bow and fly out a magic carpet?


User JoyJones9

From a woman’s perspective who asks leads regularly, I just look around for someone else I’ve seen lead who’s not dancing 🙂 No slinking away (because other people’s thoughts and opinions of me are none of my business) Took me a bit of existential crisis to get to this attitude, but I’m feeling it.

I’d say of those that have odd or negative reactions to an ask, that’s about them, not you. You just keep being your amazing self that’s perfect exactly as you are and don’t let it get to you! ♥️

User sftriguy21

Move on and continue to have an great time.

You’ll never truly know why she said no – maybe she is there with a boyfriend who’s in the bathroom, just danced 10 songs, is self conscious, is intimidated by you, is repulsed by you, doesn’t like the song, etc.

There’s a yes waiting close by most of the time.

And sure, sometimes it stings a little but you learn to get over it.

User double-you

What are all these smirks you are getting?

When I get a no, I just respond “OK, no worries.” and I am not even Australian. Then I move on. Were somebody to smirk at me (really?!) and point at other women, I’d just ignore that and go my own way. If they are friendly and “sell it well”, why wouldn’t I go with a recommendation? Dance recommendations are often a very good thing to get.

My great “no” story is not an actual no, but an implicit no. I went to ask a lady to dance and so did 2 other guys at the same moment. She did not say no to me, but she said yes to one of the others. So there I am standing, figuring out the next move, and the lady who stood beside her was gesturing “hey, why not me?” and that turned out to be a nice dance too.

User the_big_rod

How do you react when someone declines to go on a date? Or declines a biscuit that you’ve offered them? Hopefully, respect their answer and move on to the next topic or next potential dance partner. Use it as a learning point, and assess how you react and whether you would like that reaction if you were on the receiving end. We’re at social dances to have fun, so don’t let one person ruin your whole night and don’t be the one to ruin theirs.

User Chris_Yannick

The ‘plan b’ no:

I lean over to ask a girl who is sitting to dance… she says ‘no’. Meanwhile, there is a free seat next to her. As I was leaning over to ask her to dance, my weight was already shifted towards sitting on the chair next to her, so I just continue the momentum and sit down next to her seconds after she said no. We sit next to each other for a while in silence.

It was funny at the time because I just couldn’t be bothered to walk away, so I sat down next to her. That was an unintentional plan b.

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